Issue 64. Battling Self-Doubt

The Barkley Massacre of 2025, IRONMANs need for porn servers, Walmsley wins epic battle, wind tested helmets, and more…

👋 Good morning and happy Friday. I’m Scott and feel free to reach me here.

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My Battle with Self Doubt

9 weeks is not a lot of time.

And each week that ticks by there is a shrinking gap between building fitness and the moment I roll up to the start line of Unbound Gravel XL — the 350-mile, fully unsupported odyssey that will take me across the Kansas Flint Hills.

No team cars, no aid stations, no friends.

Just me, my bike, my thoughts, my fitness, and whatever I can carry.

I’ve been logging close to 150 – 200 miles a week, preparing my gear, and dialing in nutrition. Yet still, that creeping voice inside lingers and begins to grow a little louder.

Are you actually ready for this? You can’t do this. You’re not ready.

Self-doubt isn’t unfamiliar. We all have it inside of us and handle it in different ways. Some have it hit hardest when it comes to life. Some as it relates to work. And some, it is with your every move.

For me, it’s shows up before every big race I do. Regardless if it’s an IRONMAN, my first 100-mile gravel race, a 5K, and now my biggest test yet; what I think will be a 27-hour race.

Self-doubt is like a shadow that stretches longer and longer the closer I get to something that truly matters. And this is what I’ve come to realize.

Self-doubt isn’t the enemy—it’s proof that you care. Like really, really care.

Self-doubt doesn’t linger when I’m picking a Netflix show, or grabbing a pair of jeans to wear. It only pops up when things matter most.

The Weight of the My Unknown

Unbound XL isn’t just a race; it’s an invitation to step into the abyss of uncertainty that I’ve never experienced before.

The mechanical failures, the unexpected weather shifts, the potential bonks, the sleep deprivation. None of it can be fully rehearsed and that’s what makes it both terrifying and thrilling. Making it worth doing.

To write this article, I wanted some context because whether you are an elite world champ, or Joe Nobody, self-doubt is within all of us.

Mark Cavendish, one of the greatest cycling sprinters in cycling history, put it bluntly –

“If you don’t believe you can do it, then you have no chance at all.”

That’s the paradox of self-doubt. It wants to convince you that belief is optional, that you need certainty before you commit. But in reality, belief is the only currency that matters. Doubt may be loud, but if you show up anyway, belief is the thing that actually carries you forward.

Using Doubt as Fuel

The night before my first IRONMAN, I laid in bed, restless and staring at the wall, convinced I hadn’t trained enough to go 10 hours. Race morning, that same doubt had me standing on the beach in my wetsuit pissing down my leg. Can I do 10 hours?

Too much time to wonder. Too much time to ponder.

Fuck yes you can and you will. You’ve put in the work, don’t doubt yourself now. The countdown is on.

Then the cannon goes off, and instincts kick in. It is stroke, then pedal, then stride.

The fear didn’t dissipate, it just gets pushed back. Then I stop fighting it. Instead of seeing doubt as a threat, I let it be a companion. Anytime it shows up, I tell it to fuck off because today is my day. I’m owning your life.

Jan Frodeno, the greatest IRONMAN Athlete ever said –

“You will suffer, that’s the rule. But suffering is what makes you grow.”

Doubt is a prelude to suffering, and suffering is the gateway to growth. The real question isn’t Will I doubt myself? but What will I do when it happens?

Because at some point, in every race, in every massive challenge, you will suffer. The key is deciding whether to let doubt dictate the outcome—or to push through and see what’s on the other side. Don’t get me wrong. If I crash out and break my collar bone, I’ll wave the white flag, but if its all in my head, hell no.

So I’ll Lean In

At some point during Unbound, deep into the night when my brain is just telling me to sleep or my legs are screaming, and I have body aches, questioning everything, doubt will be there, riding alongside me as my companion.

But I’ll remind myself of the feeling of crossing the finish line and how much work I’ve put into this. I’ll think of this Lance Armstrong quote:

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place.
If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

So I’ll listen to the doubt, acknowledge it, and let it remind me how much I care about this performance.

And then, I’ll tell it to fuck right off.

I’ll keep pedaling.

I’ll be undoubtedly uncomfortable.

I’ll want to give up.

I’ll run into situations I haven’t even thought through.

But doubt isn’t the thing that stops me. It’s the thing that proves we’re exactly where we’re meant to be.

Ride on. Lean in. 9 weeks!

Meanwhile

Other happenings in the world of endurance.

Harder than Ever: One thing that makes the Barkley Marathon in Tennessee, USA so great is that the founder does not WANT you to finish. Unlike every marathon in the world which caters to athletes finishing, Gary Cantrell (a.k.a. Lazarus Lake) changes the course every year. And after a 2024 which saw 5 people finish, including the first female, Laz made sure 2025 would be different. So how many finished? ZERO. None of the 40 entrants even made it past a third 20-mile loop, let alone threatened a five-lap finish. Read more…

Cape Epic – The Greatest 8 Days in South Africa: I was invited to do Cape Epic this year but alas, it didn’t pan out. Between the cost of getting out there, updating to a new mountain bike, putting the work in, and raising donations, it was just a completely overwhelming thought to me. But maybe someday. It really looks like the most amazing 8 days. HOTTer than hell but is for sure a bucket list dream of mine. Anyway. If you haven’t paid attention or don’t know what the race is, its an 8 stage, over 8 consecutive days mountain bike race that consists of 2-person teams that need to finish together at each stage. Some of the biggest riders in the world tackle it, including US gravel queen and king Keegan Swenson and Sofia Gomez Villafane. In 2025, Swenson teamed with Matt Beers while SGV teamed with Annika Langvad. So how did it all go down after 8 Stages? The pro team of SGV and Annika Langvad took the women’s overall win, having won 6 stages. Beating out the second place squad by 21 minutes. A truthful recap → Read more…

Statement win for Walmsley: It one of the best men’s fields ever assembled and all went down at the 120km Chianti Ultra Trail by UTMB in Tuscany. The starting line included the last three winners of UTMB, all lining up in the same event for the first time in four years. So who won? It was 2023 US hero Jim Walmsley beating who the GOAT Kilian Jornet (2022) and Vincent Bouillard (2024). So how did he react to the win? Walmsley would later say, ‘Every minute against these guys was earned.’ Read more…

IRONMAN Glitch: If you were pumped about watching the first IRONMAN race of the year, you might have been disappointed as technical difficulties pretty much wiped out the whole of the planned live broadcast of 70.3 Geelong. The Australian race was a new addition to the 2025 Pro Series schedule, one of seven new race venues added to the calendar. SO what was the issue exactly, internet outage! Hate to see that in the year 2025. Read more…

Wind Tunnel Tested: Basically. Which helmet am I buying since my Oakley took serious damage and I had to throw it away. Long story short, the The Specialized Evade III. Read more…

The Great Debate – Will On-road or off-road will get me fitter: Yadda, yadda. If you’re after very controlled and specific numbers, road, and indoor, is probably where you need to search out those gains. But if you’re after a rounded workout that brings in more fitness facets, head on to the rough stuff. Read more…